Hush Lil Babies

After coming home with a new baby, life is an absolute blur. Suddenly, there’s this tiny human who needs you all the time. You’re in survival mode, trying to find a new rhythm in the chaos. People are dropping by to meet the new addition and sneak in their baby snuggles. Your world is consumed with entertaining, nursing or bottle-feeding, changing, comforting, and holding your baby. Somewhere along the way, you completely forget about yourself. You dive headfirst into nurturer mode; it’s all about the baby now.

But then, one day you stop for a minute. You look in the mirror and the person staring back at you? She does not look familiar. The woman you were before, the one with energy, dreams, desires, and a strong sense of self just feels like a ghost. You long for her and wish you could just tap into that version of yourself. But instead, you’re left staring at someone so worn down, someone you don’t recognize. You wonder, Will I ever feel like myself again? And here’s the cold, harsh truth: you might not. And that’s terrifying and devastating.

The Fantasy vs. The Reality

There’s a fantasy we all buy into: motherhood is filled with dreamy moments of rocking your baby to sleep, gazing down at them with misty eyes filled with love and wonder.

But let’s be real: those moments can be few and far between.

The reality? You look at this little person and think, Wait, I’m supposed to take care of you now? You can’t even find time to eat a proper meal, take a shower, rest, and care for yourself—and now, you’re expected to keep this tiny human alive?

The truth is, you lose yourself in the process. Not only do you not have time to care for yourself, but you’re pouring every ounce of your body, energy, and attention into caring for another. You start wondering: Was I ever even there? That woman who made decisions for herself, who walked around with purpose and vitality, seems like a distant memory. Instead, you’re stuck in an endless cycle of feeding, changing, rocking, and repeating. You find yourself thinking, “Wait, I signed up for this? But you don’t say it out loud because, well, you’re supposed to love motherhood and this little being unconditionally, and saying anything else makes you feel like a monster.

Can You Ever Find Yourself Again?

So, will you ever feel like yourself again? Honestly, I don’t know. And if anyone tells you they have the answer, they’re lying. The truth is, you might never get back to the person you were.

But here’s the beautiful thing, maybe you don’t really want to go back. Maybe you need to stop trying to resurrect that pre-baby version of yourself. Because maybe the woman you’re becoming is much better. Even if she’s a bit jaded and rougher around the edges.

The woman you were before was probably naïve. She had energy, sure, but there’s no way she was as resilient as the one who’s weathered sleepless nights, teething meltdowns, blistering nursing sessions, and the bizarre emotional rollercoaster of postpartum hormones.

You’re stronger than the woman you were, even if you don’t realize it yet. Even in the moments you feel the most small, alone, unsure, and utterly defeated. The version of yourself before would not have made it through this. And that is unbelievably powerful.

The Secret No One Tells You: It’s Okay to Lose Yourself

You’ve heard the platitudes, right? “Don’t lose yourself in motherhood.” “Make sure you take time for yourself.” Yeah, that’s easy to say, but it’s bullshit.

Sometimes, you have no other choice but to lose yourself but that’s when you discover what you’re truly made of. Growth isn’t neat or comfortable. It’s messy, it’s challenging, and that’s perfectly okay. If you were the same person after motherhood as you were before, that would be limiting. Life after baby isn’t supposed to stay the same. It’s meant to expand, evolve, and stretch you in ways you never thought possible.

And trust me when I say this: you are still a whole person. Even if it feels like your entire purpose is now wrapped up in taking care of someone else. You will feel whole again in time.

The Truth About Self-Care and Loving Yourself

Self-care isn’t just bubble baths, glasses of wine, or a 10-minute meditation. That’s nice and all, but the real work of self-care is knowing when to scream into a pillow. It’s admitting you aren’t ok, feeling those emotions, and unapologetically asking for help. It’s setting boundaries when everyone else is expecting and demanding everything from you. It’s remembering that while being a mom is a huge part of who you are, so are you. You’re an individual, with your own dreams, needs, and worth. You deserve more than just surviving. You deserve to thrive.

It’s okay if you’re not okay right now. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed, to cry, to admit you need help. Don’t let pride or stubbornness convince you that you’re too weak or needy to ask for more support. Remember, this chapter won’t last forever. Things will get better. When you’re ready, start taking small but meaningful steps toward caring for yourself because you are worth it.

The Transformative Exercise

During a particularly challenging time, when I was grappling with Postpartum Depress, Postpartum Anxiety, and going through a separation from my baby’s father, my amazing therapist gave me a transformative exercise. She asked me to vividly imagine my ideal life. Not in terms of material possessions, romantic relationships, or social status, but in the intricate details of an ordinary day. What time would I wake up? What would my morning routine look like? What would I eat for breakfast? How would I feel throughout the day? How would I spend my time?

Then she asked the most profound question: “Which of these things do you have the power to incorporate into your life right now?” It was a simple but effective reminder that while we can’t control everything, we can make small yet significant choices each day that bring us closer to the life we want. It taught me to start living my dream life now with what I could control, while also planning how to build on it over time. That shift in perspective was nothing short of empowering.

My Experience

I remember everyone telling me, “It will get easier.” I hated hearing that because for a long time, it didn’t. For over a year, I struggled, day in and day out. I tried so hard to put on a brave face and keep going, but honestly, it took everything I had just to feel any semblance of happiness.

I kept myself and my baby busy because that was the only way I knew how to survive. But all it did was feed my anxiety, fueling panic attacks I couldn’t shake. Still, I was terrified that if I slowed down for even a second, I wouldn’t get back up. So I kept going, full speed ahead, pretending I was okay when I wasn’t.

Then one day, something shifted. I woke up one morning, and suddenly, it wasn’t so hard to feel peace anymore. Over the next several months, I began to feel alive again. I started carving out real time for myself. I ran half marathons, took on triathlons, traveled with friends, spent time with family, and rediscovered the joy of writing in my journal. Things that were once a part of my life became the things that made me whole again.

And eventually, I realized something: I was stronger than I had ever been. More aware, more alive, more confident, and more unstoppable than I ever imagined. For the first time, I knew I could do anything I set my mind to.

Conclusion

Instead of asking, “When will I feel like myself again?” ask, “Who the hell am I becoming?” and “How can I start getting to know her better?” Because that’s where the profound transformation happens. The mess, the chaos, the breakdowns, they are all part of the process of rebirthing yourself.

You’re not alone in feeling lost, exhausted, or like you’re failing at this whole thing. Motherhood doesn’t come with a manual. Mostly because no one could possibly write it. You’re surviving, evolving, and figuring it out day by day. So cut yourself some slack.

In time, you will come to know and love this new badass version of you. You will be unbelievably proud of her. You will be excited to see what she accomplishes next. And you will look back at your old self with a smile thinking “damn, if only she could see me now”.